The possibility of marriage

Having exclusively heterosexual attractions/temptations, or developing some heterosexual feelings may appear to be the pre-requisite for marriage and therefore for sex within marriage. But is that really true? Monogamous, faithful marriage only requires attraction to one person, and sexual feelings for someone can develop over time. The Hollywood model of "love at first sight" is the reality for only the few. The vast majority of marriages in the past and in other cultures were / are arranged marriages and are based on commitment and hard work rather than sexual attraction. God declares marriage to be a good thing. It can provide companionship, love, sex and children. Within TfT, there are good examples of Christians with same sex attraction who have been able to marry, and are happy in their marriage, and sadly, some less so good ones, (which is also true of society and the church, in general).

Marriage must not become our key goal in life as if it is a way to change same sex attraction, or the only proof that we have been fully ‘cured' of same sex attraction. Marriage is not an easy option; it needs hard work and commitment. Sexual temptation does not disappear when one marries; one does not suddenly find all one's sexual desires are fulfilled by one's spouse and so one does not look elsewhere. We could equally add a category above ‘my choices as a married Christian with same and/or opposite sex attractions/temptations'. There is only one godly choice here: to remain faithful to our spouse in our sexual behaviour and in our sexual fantasies. An easy option?

Furthermore, marriage is not a God-given right for all humans, but an opportunity that is given to most humans. We all know of people with heterosexual desires who have not found a suitable marriage partner, and so have remained single, many in great sadness and frustration. So for us, even if we experience change in our own sexual desires, and begin to feel attractions towards the opposite sex, this is no guarantee that we will marry. And then, even for those that do marry, this is not always a happy ending. Not all marriages are happy, some are destructive, and some do not last, even amongst Christians.