Shock

My world crumbled around me one evening when, after a long hard struggle my son eventually told my husband and I that he was gay. It did not come as a complete surprise, as for sometime he had let us know he wanted to tell us something that was obviously causing him a lot of worry. He was just eighteen. We had gone over and over what the problem could be. He had seemed troubled for many months; we prayed that we would be given wisdom to handle the situation when we knew the truth and we hoped that our feelings of foreboding would be proved groundless. Now the moment of truth was here. Although we had discussed the possibility of him being gay it still came as a shock. One thing was certain - as we listened to his struggles and saw his distress we knew that this had been unwanted and unasked for. Our hearts were overwhelmed with love for him and we tried, calmly, to convey that to him. A few minutes later it was all over, he left to go and stay the night with a friend in the next town.

The house seemed strangely silent when he had gone. I was heart-broken and devastated. Adding to my distress was the fact that his room was empty except for boxes filled with his belongings. He had thought we might turn him out. I couldn't imagine the pain he must be going through; the thought of it was almost too much to bear. I cried and cried. That night the questions and fears came thick and fast, torturing my tired brain. "Would he come back the next day as he had promised?" "Had he really forgiven us for any mistakes we may have made in the past; after all we were not perfect?" "Was it my fault? "What about Aids?" "That strange illness he had not too long ago - why didn't the doctors know what it was?" On and on the thoughts went.