I am not alone

I worked at sharing my feelings with God in ways I had not really done before. I experienced the truth of God's love in a real way, because I made the choice to accept it, rather than depending on my feelings. I had often paid 'lip service' to the fact that I can only find my true security and identity in Jesus as my best friend, but it started becoming more real for me. He was the only person with whom I could be totally honest, whose response of true love I could trust. Often I would receive a very simple truth of God's love in response to my sharing with Him. - "Martin, I am here... I will never leave you or forsake you... Trust me." I was allowing my mind to tell me the truth of God's love for me, rather than simply waiting to feel it. God was speaking His Truth, but I made the choice to listen. I knew I could not depend on feeling or experiencing God's love, because feelings are influenced by my hurts, insecurities and low self image.

I was challenged by my friend's situation, his hurts, longings and loneliness. The questions his feelings raised encouraged me to find at least some of the answers in my relationship with God and share what I was learning within my own ministry. The tragedy for me always being that the person I longed most to share in this growth experience could not do so.

Because of this, I have grown to understand much more of God's love, of other people and of myself. I know that without doubt the ways to overcome loneliness involve working at the deeper issues of self, which make a lack of identity, feelings of emptiness and loneliness a problem. I need to find that sense of security in the only perfect person, Jesus. Then I can work at meeting my legitimate needs for other people - to love and be loved.

As I work with God in these areas of my life, I can and do experience the reality of 'not being alone' - 'not being single'. I 'belong' to the Lord and to some special people. Growth and change are a part of my journey. Sometimes changes in my feelings and experiences are not good, sometimes they are. They always have value because they have been allowed by God. I cannot always understand this mystery, but I can accept it. I know the truth of God's faithfulness and I experience it. My story has value because it is God's unique story with me. It is continually changing and never completely predictable. It is my part in His Kingdom.

Your story also has the same value to God and to us.