Self control - an impossible goal?

Oscar Wilde is famously quoted as saying, “the only way to get rid of temptation is to give in to it...I can resist everything but temptation.” I’m sure many of us can relate to this somewhat cynical outlook on life, particularly in an age where restraint and self-control are hardly perceived as virtues to aspire to or cultivate in our lives.

Certainly when it comes to sexual temptation, it often seems in our highly sexualised culture that the only way out is simply to give in. The very suggestion that a single Christian can maintain celibacy and lead a genuinely fulfilled life without regular sex is widely ridiculed, as indeed increasingly is the concept of life-long sexual fidelity within heterosexual marriage.  But is this kind of ridicule and cynicism truly justified? Is a life of increasingly consistent self-control and sexual purity a realistic prospect for the Christian, or is it simply an impossible goal?

The New Testament has much to say on the subject of self-control. Paul in writing to Titus, for example, says that church leaders are to exemplify self-control (Titus 1:8). Titus is to teach older Christian men to be self-controlled (Titus 2:2), older Christian women are to train younger Christian women to be “self-controlled and pure” (Titus 2:5) and Titus is to encourage younger Christian men to be self-controlled (Titus 2:6). In fact “...the grace of God that brings salvation...teaches us to say ‘no’ to ungodliness and worldly passions, and to live self-controlled, upright and godly lives in this present age...” (Titus 2:11-12)

Clearly, then, a life of self-control is one of the key expected outcomes of the grace of God at work in the lives of Christians. Whether we be young or old, male or female, one of God’s shepherds, or one of God’s sheep, the fact is that “the fruit of the Spirit is...self-control.” (Galatians 5:22-23). God isn’t in the business of setting impossible targets for His people, that would make Him unjust and unfair, and we know from His self-revelation in the Bible that God is absolutely just and fair by nature.

Perhaps one of the keys to a life increasingly marked out by self-control is this concept that “the grace of God teaches us to say ‘no’ to ungodliness...” This idea of us being taught self-control is picked up by Paul when he writes to Christians in Thessalonica. “It is God’s will”, Paul writes, “that you should be sanctified: that you should avoid sexual immorality; that each of you should learn to control his own body in a way that is holy and honourable, not in passionate lust...” (1 Thessalonians 4:3-4).

Self-control, then, or saying ‘no’ to ungodliness, is something that is taught to us by the grace of God. And in terms of sexual self-control, we each have an individual responsibility to learn to control our own body.  In other words, the Lord wants us to enrol in the school of self-control. The grace of God is our teacher (I picture, therefore, a patient, gentle, forgiving, compassionate, understanding teacher) and one of the core subjects on the curriculum is self-control of my body.

If you’re struggling with self-control, please take some time to think and pray through this whole idea of being taught by the grace of God. I personally have found this concept so helpful in my own ongoing struggle to lead a life of self-control. The grace of God is my personal teacher (as opposed to imposing harsh rules which have an appearance of wisdom, but lack any value in restraining sensual indulgence – see Colossians 2:20-23). And I am God’s student - that’s to say I’m still learning, sometimes by making mistakes of course. Self-control is not an impossible goal, but rather a godly skill that we can learn throughout our Christian lives as we rely on the grace of God. It’s a skill that will finally be perfected in us on the last day, when we see Jesus and are made like him.