TfT is a confidential Christian support and teaching ministry that holds to authentically biblical teaching on sexuality. We offer support to individuals who experience same-sex attraction, but who choose not to embrace a gay identity or to pursue a same-sex relationship because of convictions of faith. We also support families, friends and church leaders of those who experience same-sex attraction.
I was approached by TfT to write this article from the perspective of a married man with same-sex attraction (SSA). I have been aware of my SSA since my late childhood but have never been in a relationship with another man. In my late teens I met my girlfriend who then became my fiancée and has now been my wife for over twenty years.
At around 14 years of age, at the onset of puberty, I first became aware of homosexual desires. I was attracted to men and only men. Mine was a fairly textbook case; I had no male influence in my childhood (my father died when I was 4) and grew up in an all-female house. This longing to have a father to do things with lasted from the age of 6 until I was 12, but on reaching puberty that longing for a father turned into homosexual feelings. I also suffered from deep inferiority due to being been badly bullied at school.
This does not need to be about choosing between God and your friend.
When it comes to the gay issue, the simplest way to think about the church's attitude is to consider three views:
- "The world thinks gay relationships are OK, so the church should too."
- "Being gay is a sin therefore Christians should condemn gay people."
- "The Bible teaches that gay relationships are sinful. However, people who identify themselves as gay are very much loved by God and should be encouraged to get to know Him better - just like anyone else."
These three views are discussed further below: