One man's experience in a black church

Editor’s note: The article below represents the experiences of Tony, one of our members. TfT would welcome hearing from members with different experiences in this kind of church, or from church leaders who take a different approach.

Tony, what is your experience of opening up about your sexuality?

I first became aware of my sexuality when I was in my mid twenties but the fear of addressing it was overwhelming, so I kept it suppressed for a long time.

The fear of coming out particularly in a black church (ie a West Indian or Black African church) was one of the main reasons. In my experience, a majority of the black churches (Christian) are homophobic and view it as the worst sin anyone could commit. It is viewed as demonic. If anyone had the courage to confess that they struggled with their sexuality, their view of dealing with it is for the person to be prayed over by the laying of hands and the demon of homosexuality to be cast out. Then a girlfriend would be recommended in the view of getting married.

When I first got married, we went to a church in Croydon. The pastor there wanted to keep it quiet and said that I should have sorted my issues before being married.

My way of coping with the struggle was to live a double life I started cruising the well known places where I tried to satisfy my masculine deficit. I started visiting all the known gay clubs where I would get my sexual fix by having one night stands. This went on for years. Deep inside I felt unfulfilled and guilty that I was forever searching for the perfect man who I felt could satisfy that need for male affirmation.

It seems to me that they very much see it as a spiritual problem that can be solved by casting out a spirit of homosexuality. For me, this approach just felt like closing the door after the horse has bolted: my same-sex attractions had over time become quite established. When the casting out of spirits doesn’t work, then one can often be accused of not fully leaving the sin at the altar.

My take on this is that they seem to be against taking a therapeutic and holistic approach to dealing with homosexual tendencies , which they see as the wrong solution to a solely spiritual problem. Personally, I strive for wholeness rather than just ‘fixing’ my sexual orientation.

Do all black churches have the same attitude?

My generation and younger have come away from their parents’ idealism in the way churches are run, but I think there is still that homophobic approach. In many of these churches, a second generation is coming through, but the approach remains quite legalistic and polarised: there is no middle ground.

How do you find black churches judge homosexuality?

I find that they see it as the worst sin: it’s like they base their views on the Sodom & Gomorrah story. A member of the church could be excommunicated for persistent homosexuality activity, but would be treated more compassionately if, say, they were found in an adulterous relationship.

It’s both a cultural and a theological matter. In my experience, black pentecostal churches have quite a harsh view on homosexuality.

What do you think is their view on same-sex attractions (SSA) that don’t lead to sexual activity?

This would be just the same as acting on the attractions. Even having SSA is often viewed as very bad.

Is there any equivalent of TfT in the black churches?

Not really, but there is one guy who has started a group.

Black churches mainly do not know about TfT. Some would welcome TfT with open arms; quite a few would resist TfT, because it doesn’t emphasise casting out demons. They might well be perplexed, and some might consider TfT to be pro-gay. TfT would need a large powerful black church to embrace its message and give it some credibility.

What do black Christians with SSA generally do?

Generally there are 3 possibilities: they either become militant gays, or they stay silent or they commit suicide. Those who stay silent tend to get married, but don’t even tell their wives about their struggles; so they end up living a double life. Sadly some young men take their own lives because of the guilt and shame they feel.

Acting out sexually is common in church choirs, especially when they go on tour: I met them myself in gay bars when I was going to those places. People generally know about this, but it’s swept under the carpet as an issue.

What about women with SSA?

There is the same view as towards men. It seems much less common.

What encouragements can you offer to a young black person struggling with SSA?

• In general, I’d not advise coming out in your church – this could damage you spiritually and emotionally
• Get in touch with TfT and meet like-minded people. There are quite a few black people involved with TfT, some of whom are prepared to take a strong stance.